Questions and Conversations with Leo

The other day Leo (now 14 plus, tall, shaving, with serious physical presence) asked me what I'd most appreciated about the men I've dated/lived with/married. I'm not sure exactly where this came from. Perhaps brought about by my extolling the pleasure I took in seeing an old friend from university the other day, in being with someone who's loved me (as a friend) for over 20 years? How restful and wonderful it made me feel. I who seem to be so often in the opposite situation of being with people who are in their initial experience of me, judging, observing, wondering, discovering, etc.,

Or, more likely, Leo is simply growing up and considering what it is to be in a relationship and what a woman (me being the archetype of such for him) looks for, loves, wants in a man. We've discussed this before, but here we were getting quite specific.

So, first there was the serious university and early adult relationship I had. What did we have together? well, intellectual equality, the same age, a great friendship, we could truly count on each other, a very powerful bond and attraction. What didn't work? Numerous friends who didn't like us being together, and for some odd reason, the feeling that we weren't really more as a couple then we were individually. [Leo got a bit hung up on one detail -- as this person worked at Microsoft and had stock options, etc., Leo thinks that if we'd stayed together I'd be rich now. That this isn't something that came into play for me then or now is hard for Leo to understand. But yes, I get it that he'd like us to be better off.]

Next up, my kids' father: On the plus side, a great partner for creating two businesses and putting two children on this earth. I became more, and learned more alongside him; I tapped talents in myself that I'd been completely unaware of. We complemented each other and balanced each other, for a time. I'll not go into the negative here. Suffice to say, we still get along very very well, but being married to each other was/is no longer viable.

And then my vintner: A powerful attraction, much to learn, the chance to be truly female again. Negatives - his age, his inflexibility, our being out of sync on many levels (i.e. raising and caring for kids!!).

And currently, a lovely man with whom I dance the tango very well, who is an attentive and invested father to his boys and who has a great sense of humor.  That we're close in age and on the same track raising kids is a major plus. The hard parts? physical distance, busy schedules, not a lot of time together, and I'm still alone raising my boys (which is something I've more or less accepted at this point).

And so, with this list Leo asked me, if you put all the good elements together would that make the perfect man for you? Um, yes, are you going to put an ad out for me?

New possibilities

Do I dare write about it? Do I go there? Yes, I'm in a new relationship. One that seems quite different from what I lived for 2 1/2 years. It is calmer. He has children, two boys like myself. And thus from the get-go the kids are part of the equation. Mine are excited. Leo tells me (no doubt from this past year's experience with me thrice in the doldrums) that we are not to break up! It should be the right one. He is so sure of things at 13! Jonas follows suit. And, I must say that his kids have taken to me quickly. Now it's up to the adults to find their bearings, to see if we've projects in common, to contemplate what the future might bring. How gun-shy are we, how ready to believe, to trust, to go forth? I know that for myself the weekend thing will not be enough. I truly want to live as a family again, and why not with two more children? I do well with plenty of small/medium-size ones around and enjoy the nurturing, the observing, the educating. But he? We'll see.

And yet, I hold dearly to the independence I've regained, the joys of being more with my girl-friends, with myself, the projects I would like to develop here in Avignon, close to my home. I have my center, my integrity, myself and my personal dreams -- my vocational passion as Barbara Marx Hubbard states -- to nourish and bear.

There are books and articles aplenty these days on reformed families, familles recomposées. I browse through them, though I've definitely already contemplated the many variations and trials that such a choice clearly thrusts upon one. I'm up for it. I think.

And so, I observe how he raises his kids, I see his value system, I test his house rhythms and I check into mine. Will they dove-tail?

Slowly, slowly into the fray. Dancing gently and surely, allowing for space, contemplating, learning, communicating, testing. It's just not the same as when you're young and naive, ready to start a family, nor perhaps when you're older and established, the kids long gone from the nest.

Day by day.

September - A New Year?

Well, the year is off to its start. If the beginning of the week was a bit 'rude'; my system took a hit with the car trouble, the returning imperatives of caring for kids, being in the daily rhythms of cooking, waking early, getting out the door and simply coping. But that seems to have passed, and I'm getting back into the flow of something I know oh so well, but from which I had unprecedented vacation time this summer.

The kids are back in school, both very much enjoying their teachers and friends. We've taken in just one extra child this year -- a 15 year old girl -- and thus life is infinitely calmer than last year. What a difference! Rather than rowdy, easily-upset pre-teens learning to deal with emotional surges and freaking out, I've a very calm, mostly autonomous and gentle teen female. Ahhhh. And just in time.

Leo and I are turning over a new leaf. This year I will survey his homework, follow-up on what he is doing/learning/preparing at school. I will do as I can to teach him better study habits (no more silly errors on those dictés please!). Somewhere, somehow, if only by being more present, able to truly concentrate on him every afternoon, I will help him be more grounded, more attentive, conscious of the importance of working at school. And he is grateful! The first afternoon after our long discussion on this subject he was there ready to show me all he'd done, assuring me that he'd finished his homework before listening to music, before playing outside, that he had taken me seriously and was ready to go forth into this new way of being. I am constantly amazed by my own children!

Jonas is 'vif', present, delighted to be again with his favorite friends, eagerly eating up the intellectual nourishment of school. I've taken to reading him Laura Ingalls Wilder's Farmer Boy. He is hearing and absorbing the story. As a Steiner teacher from Manhattan once told me, it is perfect for 3rd grade. He is at that age, open, curious, and amazed as I describe the days of this little boy, and the quantity of food he consumes! If Jonas has one or two pieces of toast and a bit of hot chocolate for breakfast, little Almanzo has sausages, a stack of 10 pancakes, two slices of apple pie and??? He's anything but fat!

And with the new fall, a new start. One of my summer tango partners has demonstrated that he'd like to be more. Hmmm. A calm, lovely, and very tall architect with two boys just a tad older than mine. A new world for me. And so I begin something anew. With my wits about me, gently, slowly, open and willing, but not yet head over heels (a good thing I think), we shall see if we are compatible (kids included!). And if nothing else, I'll be dancing more and more tango...

In the meantime, the next few weeks are filled with clients and tours. So, keeping my head on my shoulders, planning carefully, working out all the kinks (such as car repairs, rental vehicles, kids' swimming lessons and tennis...and all those lovely things!), I'm busy, occupied, focused, here.

Being an ex-girlfriend

I say this in jest. And yet not. Wednesday this week I brought four quiches and a pan of ginger sablet cookies to the winery as my contribution to the reception of 15 Japanese guests and wine importers and general all-round wine drinkers. Long ago when this date was set we'd agreed that I'd do half the preparation and assist in receiving this particular group (after all I do speak Japanese). And so, even after the break-up, we agreed that we'd still do this hosting together.

I'm pleased -- and proud -- to say all went quite well. Dietary restrictions were accounted for (vegetarian and lactose intolerant), all were fed and watered and entertained in the manner hoped for.

It was weird and a bit tense to be there working alongside JP. And yet it was also extremely easy and fluid. In this context we work well together and always have. Whether it's setting the table, doing last minute cleaning (the windows were more than a bit dusty), dressing the salad, serving, clearing, passing, etc., we divvy up the tasks like the partners we used to be.

He wondered if his importers had noticed the difference in our behavior. And I had to break it to him that they called me 'okusama' (honorable wife) and repeatedly inquired/stated how lovely and relaxed living in such a place must be. I corrected them a couple of times, saying this was his house, that mine was in Avignon, etc., But hey, after a while, it gets a bit tedious. Let them have their dream. The photo sessions after the meal were amusing though -- obviously with the vintner, and then with me, and then between us.

We spoke a tiny bit outside of the situation, JP and I. We quickly got past the how've you been? and the family? and sales? etc., etc., He told me he's been working his way slowly through the Hendrick Harville book on couples -- but found some of the examples pretty extreme (judgement, judgement...). I encouraged him, and made a couple apropos comments as to how interesting it was for me to realize the various issues I have to work on/accept in myself, and that his presence in my life had been just the ticket to bring them to light.

He was a touch miffed that his importer hadn't been more attentive to the relationship between them -- it being now over ten years that they've worked together and seen each other in their mutual countries. They'd barely exchanged a word throughout the afternoon. I agreed with him that it is an ideal to have professional relationships also be friendships, and not always attainable. He was also distressed that the group climbed into the bus without saying proper goodbyes to him (they had to me though.. but I'd followed them out to the bus). I reminded him that he'd been aside looking at the map with the chauffeur, and that in good Japanese style, he should have been by the bus door saluting them as they departed. It was not their habit to come looking for the host to say a special goodbye. Thus a brief exchange between us on the outward appearance of good manners versus true sincerity and affection (tut tut... that could apply to another I know...)

We then got to work cleaning all and everything and putting his house back into order. I then took my cases of wine, my bottles of olive oil and some freshly washed salad (he'd purchased too much) and with a short hug (my initiative, but he responded well to it). I was on my way. No need to extend the visit beyond its purpose.

As I drove home, I mulled over our short conversations, the ease of working together, the fact that yes, the attraction is still there, but so are all the reasons we're not a couple any more. And I left him back there to his house, his family, his mother, his fragile ankle, his strict manners, and all that he has built and chosen.

Erick called me then, and I confirmed that the people arriving at his house were to pay him directly -- thus a profitable evening -- for the cooking class. And I said to myself, goodness, what a truly superb ex-wife and girlfriend I am. Not only do I not harbor bitterness nor torture them nor make them suffer, I even contribute to their bank accounts! Can I rightly be proud of this? Or is that rather perverse?

In any case, it is likely to be me cooking dinner for his wine tasting weekend in July. T'would be a job I would enjoy. Matching food to wine is always fun.

Being Single Again

An interesting thing about being single again is simply the different way my time is filled. And yes, it is quite filled.

My social life is quite present, but has a very different slant. I'm blessed with girl friends -- friends who call me, invite me out, suggest activities, come by to visit, receive my phone calls and give me love and support when I've my moments of being down.

Thus I've been out to concerts, made a beaded necklace, received great massages in exchange for English conversation, gone to yoga class, am going out to an English/French networking evening, worked in my garden, cleaned out my pool, been to school meetings, explored Aix-en-Provence... and all this when I'm not touring my now plentiful clients visiting Provence.

I've time -- perhaps at long last? -- to take care of myself. Yes, massage is one thing, as are healers of other sorts. Myself and my larger self including my home, my garden, my children, my friends are benefiting from greater attention and focus.

I've time to be conscious.

I'm not running about with my head cut off. Rather than rush through a bit of cleaning Friday afternoon or Monday morning, I do it calmly on Saturday.

I'm still going out dancing, but to places I know where I'm received by friends and fellow students from class. No more evenings out at restaurants, and fewer movies in movie houses (I prefer the less expensive internet options these days).

Avignon is a hot house of theatre, artists, funky and friendly folk. A very different feeling from the more bourgeois Nîmes.

It's all just more relaxing, accepting. It's also a more international vibe. Nîmes and Vauvert were far more French. I know that sounds odd, but t'is true. The small town scene of the Vauvert market is far different than the bustle and movement of St. Rémy de Provence, Ile-sur-la-Sorgue or Aix-en-Provence. And downtown Avignon is filled to bursting with tourists these days. Thus I'm surrounded by English, German, Dutch and Japanese, to name a few.

As the birds singing in the trees outside my windows awake me with the sun (about 6:15 these days), I emerge into a different state of mind, a different world, a shifting reality.

I still have my moments of being down. But I am also very very grateful for what I do have. Slowly, I'll make sense of what I lived, thought, felt, chose. Slowly I'm growing, learning, adapting, evolving.

Slowly.

Sorting through things

I'm taking quite a bit of time to be with myself. I suppose I'm in mourning, but also aware that I've time on my hands and in my head which I've not had in years. I'm in my own space, mistress of my self, my potential, my rhythms.

I'm listening to books on tape, reading, learning, exchanging, seeking. I've discovered Jean Houston Ph. D. and I'm reveling in her transformation of the self via the rich archetypes of myth and exploration. I'm devouring her book on Isis and Osiris now, with more to come. A rich source of intellectual stimulation, a world of myth and archeology, thought and discovery, seeking and giving, reaching out. If you're not familiar with her, she co-wrote Hillary Clinton's 'It Takes a Village.' There are many interviews with her available on ITunes, and over 25 books to open and explore. She of course has her own web site, jeanhouston.org.

I am gathering strength from hers, from her experiences, from her gifts to this world. It is inspiring to listen to and read the words of a woman so alive to her time and her world, to our world and the many many individuals and cultures within it. Amongst other things, she is very gifted at adapting her voice to include the accents of the many people who've crossed her path. A born story-teller. Thus, inspired, enriched, I take a further step forward on this confusing and not always clear path. But so did Isis... so did Odysseus. So many of us come to a time in our life of crisis, confusion and a need to simply put one step in front of the other, though the end goal is somewhere off in the distance, hidden by clouds of dust and debris.

And, I am reading and seeking on the subject of couples, of what a couple could be, of the conscious relationship (John Welgood, author of Journey of the Heart) and the possibilities for growth within a couple. Not to be neglected in all this is the reasons we are attracted to another. Whether we like it or not, it is very difficult to avoid early programming and a future relationship offered to us, chosen by us, to learn, go beyond, overcome, deal with and explore our personal histories, imprinted upon our psyches and manipulating us in so many little ways.

So, it is no surprise (apparently) that I was attracted to someone who resembled my father over and beyond being tall, slim and graceful socially., And, it follows that he shared many of the characteristics that so hurt me ages ago. Time to relive, uncover, deal with, get over, forgive and go forth. So, I offer thanks to a partner who brought these aspects of my self to light, and pushed me, somewhat painfully, to acknowledge them and respect their power over me (which I dearly hope is not permanent, but that depends upon the work I'm able to achieve on my own).

And, it is no surprise that I heard when I was apparently most in conflict with him, something along the lines of, "just like my mother..." Oh yes, I was there to bring up his issues too. Did we deal with these? I don't think we particularly succeeded. But then we were blind and innocent to these dimensions. It is scary when the wondrous part of a love affair becomes tenuous. We seek to hold onto it, and are not aware of the lessons that are pouring forth in the ever multiplying moments of conflict, confusion, frustration, fear and upset.

I've read through the French translation of Hendrick Harville's book on couples. Hmmm very dense, very intense, and very informative. Both he and John Welgood hold out the hope that through a relationship that forces light upon our darkest corners, we can work through them. However, a serious commitment is necessary, and a willingness to brave the hard parts.

As I learn, I also work to let go. I am not a being filled with anger, but with sadness. And yes, forgiveness and letting go is all part of the process of healing.

To add to the recipe, I've started a short path with a therapist skilled in PNL or NLP -- Neuro-Linguistic Programming (or reprogramming as the case might be). He also dabbles in genealogy therapy where you go back through your family tree seeking patterns that you are repeating, not necessarily of your making, but part of the package of your origins.

I'm unable to do only one thing, but pile it all one atop another. And, I'm hearing similar things from each. I am told to re-incarnate my body, to let go of my hyper-mental/intellectual bent (particularly as I've an issue with self-control and weeping). This is terribly difficult as I've always found solace in books and information. I love to learn, I am passionate about stories, I can listen, read and explore for years on end. But sit down and cry? Um, that's very very difficult.

And so, I've also been to see an osteopath (chiropractor/healer by any other name) who is rather marvelous, and who noticed that my kidneys were low, particularly that one linked to my father (surprise), but also one linked a touch to my mother (not as bad off, I assure you). She used cranio-sacral techniques to push my spirit back down through my skull into my body (interesting) and did a number of crick cracks on my neck, shoulders, sacrum and mid-back. I think she thought I might break down in her office. But that was not the case. However, I certainly departed fully aware of my body, and physically quite weary! Alas, with such work and manipulation of my being, going out dancing on Friday was just not possible.

I recount this all in a flow as I write in such a fashion, but though it might feel that I'm pouring layers and layers down, swirling them into a mix of confusion and manic energy, such is actually not the case. I am calmer and more present to the moment than I've been in a very long time. I am honest with where I am, aware of the mornings that are rather difficult, the pleasures of walking in the woods, the need to do yoga, meditate, be with dear friends, offer help and focus myself on my impending visits from clients.

Amidst all this, the kids are getting good food, lots of fresh bread, muffins, quiches and lasagna, chicken with honey, curried stews... and my car is getting the air conditioning fixed, and wine is being shipped off to be sampled in Seattle and Portland, OR. Remarkably, I'm coping really rather well.

Even in the physical realm. My kitchen floor has been stripped down and repainted (last weekend) a lovely brick red, and my garden is expanding with squash, tomatoes and melon seeds all planted before our week of daily rain storms.

But so it is for many a single mom. We cope with our emotional crises as we are able, and in coping with them, we liberate the energy necessary to care for others, go forth, advance, and stride through this life.

Life Lessons continue through Friendship

I’m sitting with Isabelle, formerly my goat cheese maker, in the sun in front of her home. She is now in a wheel chair. Too weak to walk where just two weeks ago, or maybe three? She had been doing the dishes and able to descend the stair case. It has been a steady descent since her epileptic fit just a month ago. I was lucky to see her as I did – alert, present, if without a memory to follow a conversation or remember where to put the compost.

She is sleeping more and more. Brief moments of waking are greeted with calm joy and presence by Paul Pierre, and other friends at her side. Meals are taken when she is ready. Gently, one by one, Paul Pierre guides and encourages her to eat, first the salad, commenting on the sauce made by their good friend, then some pea pods, a bit of lovely organic beef raised by a favorite farm, onwards to some cheese, perhaps a bit of fruit salad, wine, chocolate. It is no more than a bite of any of these, perhaps two. One of five of these bites she is able herself to bring to her lips. A gentle commentary accompanies each moment of the meal, nothing too profound, simply a moment of good humor, an appreciation of the texture and taste entering her mouth. Paul Pierre is reinforcing the present to her, accentuating the sensations of her body, perhaps keeping her with us on this plane?

During my last visit I had spent time showing her pictures of the children, JP, the goats and more. I attempted a similar offering today with photos of Venice and our mutual friend the beekeeper. She seemed to awaken and participate, enjoying the visuals as they passed upon the screen, but within ten minutes she was wearied. This tumor is ever evolving, and her presence is ever dimming.

As we sit outside, she drifts off to sleep. The dogs are at our feet: her wonderful Bearnese sheep dog, and Filou. Both have tendered their affection, their moist noses towards Isabelle, reached for a moment of grace as she patted them, felt them, saw them.

What is life after all? How many books and pod casts will I read and absorb when here the lesson is so deeply incised? What truly matters? I am selfishly living alongside, absorbing the blessings of their company. I am seeking answers for my path, my choices, my values. And here, so much of the noise, the blurry world simply falls away. I am in the warmth of a loving and caring group. I am in the warmth of a world warming into a full spring and soon summer. I am in the color of the flowers and the sounds of the buzzing flies, wasps, birds and snoring dog.

I'm aware of my effort to be there but not too much. My natural energy is ebullient, and here I need to be calm. I am sensitive to the energy, but not always able to control my speed of speech, my leap into movement. Her nap is precious, sacred, protected by all. Her need for sleep encouraged where I would speak with her, encourage connection. I'm not in sync, though my love is there. I'm in that state of "trying my best." There is a disconnect.

Will this be the last time that I visit? I shall offer again next week, but I know that I am not the most reposing of individuals. I bring tales, chatter, images, a chance for sharing. But she and Paul Pierre are past this now. It is a time to simply be at her side, d'assister à sa vie, to speak softly and lovingly, to rearrange her pillows and help her go from bed to wheel chair and back again. New information, a connection to the outside world, even laughter, are no longer on the menu. It is possible I've offered what I might at this point.

And yet, she is in me. I bring her with me as I drive back to pick the kids up at school. I’ve two lovely young boys who are there, interested, present, living day to day. I’ve turned away from the rushing, frantic existence. And somehow, the universe hasn’t abandoned me. I will work this season, I will pay my bills, feed my children, hold onto my house, cope on the basics. I’m not playing the stock market, I’ve not put oodles away for retirement. I’ve not really played by the rules of the system. But I am looking into a guitar class for Leo, seeing more friends, exchanging English conversation practice for a nourishing massage (once a week if I’m lucky). I am making my bread, tending my garden, tending my soul.

It doesn’t feel like a fantasy, it feels normal. In this world where the aged parent is taken in by the children, where the retirement home is a last ditch effort for only the most feeble and desperate, where loved ones are cared for and family means something... it’s more important to give and teach good values and be present in a relaxed and serene manner for my children than to chase after a nebulous retirement account. The last few years and the insanity of the banking crisis, the number of bankruptcies, etc., have led me to adopt the approach of lowering my expenses, limiting debt, and cultivating friends and loved ones.

I think I'm on the right path.

Just to keep me on my toes

I do believe I've just lived a cliché... or at least, a scene out of a movie.

I removed all my belongings last week, right? I'd finally had enough and did the act that actually resonated and startled. I then went back on Sunday, strong and present and received the two importers. I then said salût and went back to my life in Avignon, to gather strength, to find more translating jobs, to be with my friends, my kids, etc.,

And, Tuesday morning, I received an SMS -- Tu me manques, je veux te voir. That I'd not seen the one the night before perhaps strung out the tension.

And so I responded, Ah bon, quand? où?

And he responded, this morning. Okay I said.

And so, concessions made, much discussed (or not), we shall try again.

What is it about leaving someone and being strong and clear doing so that makes him turn around and come chasing after you?

I'm amused, pleased, a bit hesitant, but willing to be serious and make it work... I trust the yoyoing is over for the relative futre.

Back to Normal

You know life is getting back to normal when your kids are throwing slippers at each other in the kitchen, your dog has his favorite toy (a formerly lovely stuffed wolf), quiche is in the oven, salad on the table, wood burning in the stove. Yes, this is relative normalcy.

These past two weeks weren't. The kids were with their dad -- something that always throws me, much as it can also be a relief. And I was on my own. JP was off to Bolivia and I did my thing of going to friend to friend, to help on the house renovations at Martine's, to share a meal with Mireille, to spend the night and watch films with P. Had the weather not been miserable -- fiercely cold winds that rendered my house impossible to heat, pouring rain -- I would have been in my garden, but, with such a world outside my door, I headed out to alternate spaces.

I also did what I suppose is less than normal in that I wanted direction. Talking to girlfriends helps with that, right? So, I started off with Monica and a reading of my cards. According to her, it's quite clear that this winter has been pretty hard for me, but, that perhaps around Easter things would get better. She also read that perhaps I'd meet someone else this summer (one can always hope) and that in general projects and plans will become loosened and move if not towards fruition, at least in a more positive direction.

Then, P did my astrological chart in depth. We corrected my time of birth from just after midnight to 11pm which does rather change everything. Taurus sun and Capricorn rising (rather than Aquarius). Hmmm. She saw elements about my parents, elements about my education, what I've done, and where I'm going. And most importantly, a level of being true to myself. Apparently there's a clear reason for my shift from work/career/shining in the spotlight to my preference for being with my boys, baking bread, tending the hearth, the garden, my friendships... I shan't be the career woman my mother was and my sister still is, I'm far more focused inwards. I tried. Coming from my family of over-achievers one can't help but do so. But somewhere along the line I was derailed, or I hopped off the treadmill... choose your metaphor.

Only problem of course is coping financially in all this. But that too will sort itself out. I've a few more translations to work through, possibilities of others, and suggestions for getting a more active teaching gig going. All these being jobs that don't stress too much, and which don't involve me heart and soul. I would never have thought that would please me, but right now... Yes.

Amidst all this soul-searching, questing and more I made the decision to remove all my belongings from a certain winery. Yup. That which was put in motion this fall, then stopped, then started, is off again. And friends are sending me to read many a self-help book by Carolyn Myss (re: self esteem), Richard Moss, The Mandala of Being, and other useful tomes to get my head and heart back in me, stronger, clearer.

Of course it isn't all settled as yet. I return tomorrow to said winery to receive two US importers and to talk. Though the latter is something I dread. Haven't we said it all a thousand times now? It will likely be all the same old things all over again, and truly, hearing that I'm not loved enough to invest further, that my requests are too much, etc., etc., I'm not sure I really am up for it. But hey, I've rarely run away from a trying discussion. More likely to run right into it. So I'll be there, perhaps without bells on my toes, but standing straight, eyes mostly clear.

What is a definition of Love?

Love? Infatuation? Fascination? Crush? Passion? What are these?

One definition I share with a number of girl friends is if you truly love another you are willing to share and accept his/her worries and problems alongside all the joy, strength, potential, and more that he/she promises. If it is truly love, you can't help but want to help, and you don't dread being drawn in, you just act.

However, infatuation or fascination is more a sense of being drawn and held by another's physical beauty, sex, an ideal, even the wishful-thinking version of that person. In this dynamic, reality can be off-putting and disillusioning.

In general, we all come with both. Right? Virtues are balanced by weaknesses. Worry is balanced by joy. Light is balanced by dark. Can you accept my weaknesses? or will they send you fleeing? Humanity is by definition flawed, right?

As I remember so well a teacher saying to me, "If we were perfect, we would not and could not love. It is in our imperfections that love can nest."

Nevertheless, and of course, we each have our limits. However, if your limits are so well defined that they cannot be wriggled around or through, how can you grow?

As my dear friends and I agree, I am porous. My limits are minimally defined. I am about saying yes, being there, adapting to situations, coping for myself, my friends, my family, my guests. You missed a train? ok, I'll come get you. You need a place to sleep tonight? Well, I've a mattress I can put on my bedroom floor. Your child needs to be picked up Wednesday? I'll make room, there's always enough for another person at the table.

I think that in a solid relationship I give, you give, I receive, you receive, and we're both stronger for it. No? I try to adapt without judgement. The universe throws me a curve ball and I tense my abdominals, flex my arms, and catch it, more or less gracefully.

And, while awaiting its appearance, I will revel and flourish in the love of my friends, the support and encouragement of my family, and in my two marvelous boys who think I smell good.